THE UNAPOLOGETIC TRAVELER
Warning: This is rated R*
*If you’re under 18, please don’t read this. Thank you.
It’s Good For Your Healthy
When I first arrived in China, I got culture shock, pounding migraines, and had a few funny encounters. “Drink hot water,” seemed to be the answer to every problem I faced in my first month. But the worse thing was that when I complained to my grandmother, she also laughed at me like everyone else.
This is How You Lose Her
This is a follow-up post to A Boo-tiful Night. I’d suggest you read the backstory first. Here’s a quick recap: For our third date, we went to a Halloween party at one of the trendy spots in town. The next morning, when I woke up, the girl in my bed wasn’t my date. This is the story of what happened after that.
A Boo-tiful Night
For our third date, I wanted to take her out to a fancy dinner, but she invited me to go to a Halloween party with her at one of the trendy spots in town. “Let’s meet at the bar,” she said, “and let’s not tell each other what we’re gonna wear.”
En route
I saw my dream girl on the metro. It was six weeks ago, a Wednesday, I remember because it was right after the Chinese Mid-Autumn Festival long weekend.
How I Met Her Mother
At the beginning of this year, I became a fake boyfriend in China, and later met the father of my fake girlfriend. Our interaction was so horrible that my fake girlfriend decided not to introduce me to her mother. So, I was surprised when she called me a few days ago, and asked me to accompany her to the biggest fundraising gala in Shenzhen, which was sponsored by her mother’s company.
We Don’t Accept Foreigners
We argued for a few minutes, then the manager came out and kicked us out. So, we looked at a few other hotels, but all of them said they didn’t accept foreigners. WTF! Where am I supposed to sleep? I thought.
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
I would’ve stayed longer, but I felt something crawled on my leg, so I jumped up and ran to my motorbike. I held the handlebars, unlocked the bike stand with my foot, and pressed the start button. The red battery indicator on the front panel blinked, the crickets chirped in the background, and my heartbeat raced like a derby horse.
China Makes Me Feel Like a Delusional Celebrity
I noticed that where ever I went, be it the supermarket, or the metro station, or even a walk in the park, people starred at me, they took my photo without asking, and some even touched my beard and the hair on my arms and raised their eyebrows. I felt like a delusional celebrity.
If You Seek Revenge, You Should Dig Two Graves
This is a follow-up post to The Freaky Fashionista from Foshan. I’d suggest you read the backstory before reading this post, for a better context. A quick recap: a couple of weeks ago, it was the Chinese Valentine’s Day, I went out with a girl who was out of my league, and it didn’t end well. At the beginning of the date, she asked me to buy her a few things from Burberry, when I didn’t, she took revenge.
The Freaky Fashionista from Foshan
If you believe celebrating one Valentine's Day is adequate, count yourself either fortunate or unfortunate. Chinese traditionally celebrate six Chinese Valentine's Days a year. Last Saturday was the Qixi Festival, when I went out with a girl who was out of my league, and it was the most embarrassing experience of my life.
Those Happy Birthday Blues
On the way home, in the cab, I thought about what she said. Then I remembered I had told her while we were dating that Guizhou was one of the destinations on my travel list for 2021. The only problem was that it was my birthday week, and I hate celebrating birthdays, I always have, since my childhood, and I had mentioned that to her once.
She Came, She Saw, She Conquered
She came over with a box of cherries. I rinsed them in the kitchen sink, put them in a bowl, and poured a glass of red for her. I picked a cherry and placed it between her teeth, she bit down softly, and then brought it closer to my lips. I tried to bite it softly while I kissed her, but the whole cherry landed in my mouth, and we both laughed.
Dim Sum, Double Dips, and Daddy Issues
“Oh, we should also order chicken feet,” I said. “Wow, you like chicken feet? I thought all foreigners hated chicken feet,” her eyes widened, “my dad loves it too.” Why does she keep bringing up her dad? And why would all foreigners hate chicken feet? I wondered. “Did you call your dad today?” I asked. “We live in the same house,” she giggled.
The 996 Culture in China
In the past, there were times when I dragged on despite knowing quite well that we were past the end of our story; stumbling like the rolling credits on a black screen, because I kept telling myself, but the sex is so good, or what if I don’t meet anyone else, or it’s going to be awkward seeing her on Monday. So, I kept on suffering, and so did the girl.
Love in the Time of Corona
This is how my Saturday brunch date turned into an unexpected revelation about the contemporary human condition and the unprecedented times we live in. Not all matches are made in heaven, some are made in the factories of China.
Trust Me, I’m Lying
This is the story of the 2021 Chinese New Year’s eve when I met the father of my fake girlfriend. Everything was going well, until he ordered a $780 bottle of Moutai; China’s most elite liquor. If you’ve read the Crazy Rich Asians trilogy novels or have watched the movie, you’ll love this blog post.
How I Became a Fake Boyfriend in China
She told us that her family had been pressuring her to get married, now that she was turning 28, so she lied, to get them off her back. She said, she’s been looking online for a fake boyfriend for the last few weeks, but it was hard finding someone her parents would approve. And now she was running out of time, Chinese New Year’s eve was in five days.
First Date in China: 2021 Edition
She wore a beautiful knitted top with spaghetti straps, had long brunette hair, and when she took off her mask, I couldn’t take my eyes off her lips, she was gorgeous. Nothing like her filtered images on Tinder (digital bunny ears, cat whiskers, and the reindeer antlers.)
What if I’m Single Forever?
Ten years ago, I met a girl I thought I’ll marry. Our beginning was perfect, just like what you see in a Christmas romcom. It was a Saturday night in Toronto, snow danced in the cold but gentle wind outside, and pine wood crackled in the fireplace inside. The moment I walked into the bar and saw her, I was in love.