She Came, She Saw, She Conquered

It was the last day of school, so I reminded my first graders to continue to wash their hands, to wear their masks, and to avoid talking to strangers during their summer holidays. “Bye Mr. Ashman*, I will miss you,” the class clown said. I won’t, I almost said out loud. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids, but I also love my sanity. (*side note: yes, that’s not my real name, here’s the back story if you’re interested: We Only Hire White People.)

“Let’s go out for a fancy dinner,” one of my colleagues said. After all it was officially the start of our two-month paid summer vacation. The only problem was that I had a date planned with this girl I really liked. “C’mon, we all know about your stupid dating experiments, you can skip this one,” another colleague said.

But, I really wanted to see her again, because the last three times we met, we had a wonderful time. If you have been reading my recent blog posts, you know they’re all about girls that are mostly red flags or deal breakers. So, I didn’t know what to do. I picked up my phone, pulled up her ID on my WeChat, and looked at my colleagues. One of them grabbed my phone, and dialed her.

“What the hell are you doing?” I said. She ran away from me, holding my phone to her ear, while everyone cheered. My date picked up the phone, and my colleague asked her to solve the conundrum. “She says we should go to Gaga Chef in High-Tech Park,” my colleague shouted. “That’s perfect, why don’t you invite her also,” another colleague said. I went around, took my phone back from her, and apologized to my date. Surprisingly she found this whole mischief amusing. “Maybe, I’ll see you later tonight,” she said. “I would love that,” I said, and hung up.

We decided to go with Gaga Chef, a unique dining concept that hosts a roaster of international chefs for residencies of between three to six months, to work on a dynamic and evolving menu. We showed our COVID-19 vaccination green codes to the security at the gate, and entered the restaurant. The place had a wooden parquet flooring, as well as a dramatic cloud-like chandelier, it was elegant. But we weren’t, we were dressed in our teacher’s clothes. “Oh well, we’re foreigners in China, it’s like being a celebrity,” one of my colleagues said. The place was already packed, but we managed to befriend the concierge, and got a table.

While we looked at the menu, the waitress came with a bottle of Malbec, “Zhè shì gěi yà lì kè sī de” (this is for Alex,) she said. Everyone looked at me, I looked at my favorite bottle of wine, and grinned. The waitress passed me a note, but it was written in Chinese characters, which I couldn’t read, so I passed it to one of my colleagues.

“Damn! She’s a keeper,” my colleague said. “Who?” I rubbed my hands together and licked my lips.

“The girl you’re dating,” she said, “this is from her, she wants to see you tonight.”

I took out my phone from my back pocket and called her, but she didn’t pick up. After a minute or so, she texted: “enjoy your favorite wine from Argentina. Call me when you’re done.” I smiled, texted her a bunch of emojis, and put my phone away.

The food was out of this world, I got barramundi, which was recommended by the chef, was poached in a coconut curry broth, and served with chopped fresh herbs over sautéed spinach. After the dessert, when someone ordered another bottle of Malbec, I thought of her. “Guys, I think I’m gonna head out, call it a night,” I said. “Later, lover boy,” someone said. I was too tipsy to notice who. I called a Didi (Chinese Uber), pulled up her ID on my WeChat, and texted: “On my way home, come over,” followed by lots of emojis that I don’t remember now.

She came over with a box of cherries. I rinsed them in the kitchen sink, put them in a bowl, and poured a glass of red for her. I picked a cherry and placed it between her teeth, she bit down softly, and then brought it closer to my lips. I tried to bite it softly while I kissed her, but the whole cherry landed in my mouth, and we both laughed. I ate it and then spit the cherry pit in the bowl. “Eww, that’s nasty,” she said. I shrugged my shoulders and grinned. “It’s touching the other cherries now,” she said, and kissed me. “That cherry was first in your mouth and then in my mouth, and then we kissed, so how is this gross?” I said. “Never mind,” she said, held my hand, and took me to the bedroom.

I’m not going to illustrate everything that happened that night, but when I went down on her, she hesitated, “are you sure?” she said. And I continued. After a minute or so, she pushed my head, “stop,” she said. “Am I doing something wrong?” I asked. “No, it feels too good, you gotta stop.” I didn’t know what that meant, if she was enjoying it, why was she asking me to stop. So, I continued. “Oh, oh, oh, Alex, no,” she moaned. And then a gush of fluid sprayed all over my face. WTF is that! I thought. It was odorless, and surprisingly didn’t bother me, but at the same time I was curious to know what that was.

“I’m so sorry,” she covered her face with her hands, “I’m a squirter,” she said. “No worries, I don’t mind,” I said, got up, and grabbed a towel.

The next morning, I had planned to meet a few friends for brunch, so I quietly got out of bed, and let her sleep in. When I told my friends about what I had experienced last night, one of them said, “oh well, she’s just marking her territory.” I raised my eyebrows. I had no idea what my friend was talking about. “It’s like dogs, they pee in a corner to mark their territory, she’s doing the same,” he said. “She’s not a fucking dog,” I said. “Trust me bro, squirting is kinda like peeing.”

I didn’t pay much heed to it, and took a cab home. When I entered my apartment, I saw that she was gone, and the bed was made perfectly. These days the weather in Shenzhen is too humid, and I sweat like a pig, so I went in the bathroom to take a quick cold shower. When I came out, I dried myself, and opened the cabinet to get some Q-Tips. But it didn’t look right. There was something on top of the Q-Tips box. I picked it up to examine. There were around six or seven make-up removing cotton pads. Then my eyes went down to the lower slot in the cabinet, and there was a bottle of Bioderma Sensibio H2O Make-up removing solution. Maybe she forgot to take it with her, I thought. I closed the cabinet, walked to the bedroom, and opened the drawer to get a fresh underwear. And there it was, a pair of red Agent Provocateur panties.

Holy shit! I thought, she is definitely marking her territory.

P.S. What do you guys think about her? Let me know in the comments below.