Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

Last weekend was the Mid-Autumn Festival, it is one of the most important holidays in Chinese culture; its popularity is on par with the Chinese New Year. I had four days off, so I got on a high-speed train to Chenzhou, a city with beautiful lakes in the south of Hunan province.

On the day of the festival, the Chinese believe that the moon is at its brightest and fullest size, coinciding with harvest time in the middle of Autumn. However, some non-Chinese cultures believe that the full moon brings out the crazies, so, to avoid any unnecessary mishaps, I decided to go solo on this trip. But things didn’t go as planned, maybe it was the full moon, or maybe it was just me and my legendary decision making skills.

On the first day, I rented an electric motorbike, and rode along the scenic lake in Bai Lang village. It was surrounded by splendid hills, orange trees, and pink peach flowers. It felt like a perfect beginning to a solo adventure filled with peace and tranquility.

Around 6:00 PM, I spotted a few wedding couples getting their portraits done at the base of the lake, so I parked my motorbike, bought some spicy grilled fish from one of the street vendors, and enjoyed the golden sunset. At 6:30 PM, the wedding couples and their photography crew packed their gear, got into their cars, and left.

I sat by the lake and cherished the fresh air and serenity. Around 6:50 PM it got completely dark. I would have stayed longer, but I felt something crawled on my leg, so I jumped up and ran to my motorbike. I held the handlebars, unlocked the bike stand with my foot, and pressed the start button. The red battery indicator on the front panel blinked, the crickets chirped in the background, and my heartbeat raced like a derby horse. I hopped on the motorbike, prayed to God, and rode. After 20 seconds, when I reached the main road, the battery died.

Holy fuck, I looked at the darkness around me.

There wasn’t a single soul nearby (or at least that’s what I thought). I pulled my cellphone out and called my hotel, but the English speaking receptionist was gone home and the new guy didn’t understand my limited broken Chinese. “This shit is getting real,” I said out loud.

“I have been watching you,” a voice came from behind me.

I jerked, and the motorbike fell to the ground, “who is that?” my heart pounded, and I turned my head towards the voice.

“My name is Weiwei,” she said.

I couldn’t see her face clearly but her voice was soothing. “Um, you scared me,” I picked up the motorbike, “how do I get back to my hotel? It’s too dark,” I said.

“Buddha reminds us that the darkest night is ignorance,” she said.

WTF! What’s wrong with her? I thought. That was obviously a red flag, but it’s not like I had a choice, I really needed help. “My motorbike ran out of battery,” I said.

“Let me call the shop for you,” she took her phone out, the screen lit her face, it was round like a young child’s, “what’s the name?” she looked at me.

“I don’t know,” I raised my shoulders, “it’s somewhere down the road, maybe 15 to 20-minute ride,” I said.

We thought of a few solutions but none were practical or feasible given the time of the day, so, I parked the motorbike near the base of the lake, and asked her to accompany me to the shop, so she could explain the situation to them. She agreed, so, I called a Didi (Chinese Uber), and we went to the motorbike rental shop, where she helped me get my deposit back. When I saw her under the incandescent lights of the shop, I couldn’t believe how cute she was, so, I invited her to my hotel lobby for a few drinks, to show my gratitude for her help.

In the hotel lobby, she told me she was a modern Buddhist. I didn’t understand what that meant, but when she picked her glass of rice wine, it all made sense. She had the longest nails I have ever seen in my life, they were sage green and covered in Buddhist scripture. She showed me her Douyin (Chinese TikTok) channel, which was dedicated to Buddhism, but I couldn’t understand why she wore skanky clothes in her videos.

“My intention is to inspire young people to follow Buddhism, and sex really sells,” she said.

“Are you fuckin’ serious?” I raised my eyebrows.

She nodded with a smile, and I saw the cutest dimples appear on her delicate round face.

The lobby bar was closing so we took a bottle and went up to my room.

When we got into my hotel room, things took a turn for the worse, it was as if suddenly she transformed into a strange creature. First, she took off her clothes and started chanting for a few minutes. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind appreciating a fit naked body, but that was pure lunacy. She poured some wine in a new glass, passed it to me, and told me about the origin of the Mid-Autumn Festival - a story about the moon goddess Chang’e.

“It’s a long story, but I’ll give you a shorter version,” she said, “in a very distant past, ten suns had risen together into the skies and scorched the Earth, so Houyi the archer (who was married to Chang’e) shot down nine of them, leaving just one Sun, and was given the elixir of immortality as a reward. However, when he went out hunting, his apprentice Fengmeng broke into his house and tried to force Chang’e to give the elixir to him. So, Chang’e drank it instead of giving it to him,” she said.

“Interesting,” I said.

“Well, I am Chang’e,” she said.

“You’re a bit crazy,” I laughed.

“No, I am serious. You’re lucky to be with me on the night of the full moon,” she said, “I am the goddess of the moon.”

At that point, I felt a bit uneasy, not because of what she said, but because the room got a bit blurry. It was a vision I had never seen before. Is she really a goddess? I thought.

“Tonight, I put the elixir of immortality in your drink,” she walked up to me, opened my mouth, and poured the rest of the wine. That was all I remember from the night.

The next morning when I woke up, she was gone, and so was my Fujifilm Instax S10 camera, my Spanish fedora hat, and surprisingly the paperback book I brought with me on this trip; Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.

P.S. The cops found her the day after my hotel reported the case (you can’t really hide in China.) I got everything back, except the book of course. Go figure lol.