Lose Face: Instantly

I love photography. I love experimenting with new technology. And I love mixing them together. In the last six months, I have been playing with all kinds of instant cameras and films, everything from Fujifilm’s instax mini and square format cameras to Lomography’s Lomo’Instant Wide format camera. So, last month when Fujifilm announced that they were releasing a new hybrid instant camera, I got super excited. The only problem was that the camera was planned to be launched first in Japan on December 3rd, 2021 (because all cool gadgets come out in Tokyo’s Akihabara Market first,) and available to rest of the world in February 2022. I couldn’t wait that long. If the borders were open, I would’ve flown to Tokyo to get one, but thanks to the pandemic that wasn’t an option for me. Wish I knew someone at the Fujifilm HQ, I thought.

Then, a few weeks ago, one of my friends (the girl from How I Became a Fake Boyfriend in China story) took me to a concert organized by her company in the hopes of boosting their sales. She is a product manager at one of the top tech companies in China. After the concert, she introduced me to some of her colleagues, one of whom couldn’t take his eyes off my friend. Turned out he was her boss. “He’s so annoying and creepy,” she said, handed me her drink, and went to the bathroom. As soon as she left, her boss walked up to me and introduced himself.

“Sorry, can’t shake your hand,” I raised both of the glasses.

“So, are you guys dating?” He raised only his right eyebrow.

How did he do that? I wondered, and shook my head, “no, we’re friends, good friends.”

He smiled, “cheers,” he clinked both of my glasses.

I tried raising my right eyebrow, but I couldn’t. I thought about asking him how he did that, but instead, I took a sip of my drink only to realize that I sipped from the wrong glass. I hoped my friend would be back soon, and continued talking to the douche bag. It was going downhill until he said something about growing up in Tokyo. “You lived in Tokyo,” my eyes widened. He nodded, “wish I could go back, I miss my friends” he said. “Me too, but I only want a camera from there,” I laughed and explained my dilemma.

“Oh, my best friend works at Fujifilm,” he said.

No, way.”

“I can get you the camera,” he said.

“You can?!” I gave him my biggest grin.

“On one condition,” he raised his right eyebrow, “if you could convince her to go out with me,” he tilted his head, and looked over my shoulder.

I turned around, and my friend was back. I passed the drink to her, wiped my hand on the side of my pants, and shook his hand, “it’s a deal,” I said. We exchanged our WeChat, and planned to meet the following week.

When I told my friend about the deal, her face turned red, “hell no,” she said. I reminded her that not once but twice I pretended to be her fake boyfriend: first when I met her father (it was a catastrophe,) and then when I met her mother (another big disaster.)

“You owe me,” I said.

“It’s not that, you know I’ll do anything for you.”

“Then what?”

“He’s married!”

I pulled out my phone to message him that the deal was off, but my friend took the phone away from me, “I have an idea,” she said. The plan was to go with the original plan. Her boss would get me the camera, she would show up for the date, and one of her colleagues would leak the info to his wife. That would make a great reality TV episode, I thought.

Last Friday was December 3rd, Fujifilm Instax mini Evo camera was launched in Japan. The same day, I met my friend’s boss at a local bar in Shenzhen for a drink. I transferred the money to him via WeChat Pay, and he handed me my brand new Instax mini Evo camera. I was ecstatic. His date with my friend was planned the same night, but he said he wanted to get a rain check. Hmm, interesting, I thought, I wonder why. Then a women in her later 30s walked up to us. She had prominent cheekbones that created a line from her mouth to her ear. Her mouth was downturned at the edges, creating a taut complexion. I wasn’t sure if that was a result of a plastic surgery gone wrong in South Korea or her makeup artist doing something odd.

“This is my wife,” he gulped.

Damn, I thought, and kissed her above her high cheekbones, “you’re gorgeous, I would love to photograph you.”

“No need,” he pulled her away from me.

She jerked, turned towards me and smiled, “I would love that.”

We exchanged our WeChat, I picked up my camera, and walked out of the bar. I called my friend and told her everything. “He’s not gonna let it go that easy,” she said. “Oh well, at least we have tonight to celebrate,” I said. “Celebrate what?” I looked at my camera, “my new toy!” I said.

I met my friend and her colleague who helped us with our original plan at a Mexican joint for dinner and drinks. I took a lot of photographs of the restaurant and their signature food with my new camera, printed them on the spot, and gave it to the owner. He was so impressed that he put my portion of the food and the drinks on the house. Then we went to a bar that had live music, a girl sang Adele’s new song Easy On Me, and she sang it well. I took a few portraits of her, printed the photographs, and gave it to her. She got me free drinks. Then we went to a club. And that’s when things took a wrong turn. Because we ran into my friend’s boss and his sculpted wife.

At that point, I was already tipsy aka too friendly. So, I forced my friend’s boss and his wife to do awkward poses, I photographed them and used my last box of film to print for them. Not sure if he liked the photographs or if he wanted us to keep our mouths shut, but regardless he got us a private table that came with free bottle service (well free because he paid for it.) That was the last moment I remember from that night.

The next morning, I woke up in my bed wearing socks and nothing else. All my clothes were on the floor. I picked up my phone, there was a message from my friend.

“You need to delete all those photos ASAP!!!”

I had no idea what she was talking about. So, I got up and went to the living room to get my new camera, but I couldn’t find it. I looked everywhere, but it was nowhere to be found.

Fuck, where is it? I panicked.

Then my phone beeped, there was a new message from my friend’s boss’s wife:

“Morning handsome! Hope you’re not too hungover. Just wanted to let you know, you forgot your camera in the hotel last night.”

Holy fuck, what did I do! I felt like it was the beginning of the Chinese version of The Hangover movie trilogy.

Then the phone beeped again, “next time we should use flash,” she texted.